Happiness Article
Changing Your Personality and Your Life!
A case study of the mindset and behaviour of happy and unhappy personalities
In this study, I will explore with you the mindsets and thinking patterns of both types
of personalities and identify some of some of the characteristics of their logic
and attitudes.
The
Unhappy people
Unhappy people tend to be pessimists, they negatively exaggerate the impact of
events and propel themselves into worst-case scenarios in a heartbeat, for
example:
-
They get
an invitation to date and then their mind immediately generate a serious of
negative thoughts , they imagine awkward moments, "maybe I wont look
beautiful enough, may be I wont be funny, s/he is not going like me enough,
he is only after sex, she is only after my money, sex wont be good, s/he
will eventually break my heart
-
When
something bad happens, it not a bad event, it's a bad day, it is they think
its big enough, then its a bad year or worse a bad life. If someone wrongs
them, it is not a mistake, s/he does hates me, s/he is a bad person and this
is a bad relationship
-
The worse
of them are masters of negative chain thinking, for example, If they made a
mistake assignment, they think they’ll lose their jobs, all they have worked
for, their relationship and eventually their life is destroyed
-
When a
good thing happens, pessimists think it as a fluke
-
Almost
always blame others or external life circumstances for their own failures
-
Most of
the time, they find themselves asking WHY? They either ask why me? Why can’t
I have this or that? Why I can’t be this or that? Their main motto “Life is
not fair”
Pessimists, tend to be overly sensitive people, even if they deny it, they use
negativity as a defence mechanism. They tend to keep their expectations low, in
order to risk less disappointments! What they don’t realize is that this
thinking pattern, in time and with practice, creeps into other areas of life,
which leads to the following critical consequences.
-
They miss on great new
social, work and fun opportunities due to preconceived negative expectations
-
Negative expectations of
others leads to passive, defensive or aggressive behavior which incites
bad will and similar reaction from others, thus falling into the negative
self-fulfilling prophecy trap
-
In extreme cases some of
pessimists live with bad events far longer than when the events ended. They
can't let go, they dwell on their misfortunes, on their own mistakes or
others' for ages.
-
They are so focused and
preoccupied with negative experiences, their memory filters out the good
ones.
-
They become subjected to
chronic stress, and long periods of depression or anger and may develop
mental and psychical dis-eases such as high blood pressure, headaches, low
sexual drives or even ulcers
-
Worst of all, their
expectations of most things and events in life becomes low, that their life,
for the most part, lack excitement and joy happiness.
Pessimists tend to justify their attitude by negative historical events or
past major trauma, but what they don’t realize is that past events are dead, and these
events
only live in their minds!
In short, this thinking pattern doesn't merely ruin good time; it causes its
owners
more stress, and exerts a lot of pressure on their personal and work
relationships. In other words: It sucks happiness out of their life and the life
of the people you love.
On the other hand;
The Happy People
Happy People tend to be optimists they positively exaggerate the impact of
events and propel themselves into best-case scenarios;
-
They get
an invitation to date and then their mind starts generating positive
thoughts and images. They imagine wonderful moments, they assure themselves
that they’ll look and sound their best, they are going to have fun, nice
meal, may experience romantic and passionate sex and they never know might
build a lasting friendship
-
When
something good happens, it's a good day, it is they think its big enough
then its a good year or better yet a great life. If someone does something
nice to them, it means s/he does cares about them, s/he is a good
person and this is a good relationship
-
The best
of them are masters at positive spin, for example, if they made a mistake or
failed an assignment, they know they can get themselves a second chance and
even if they lose their jobs, they can find another one with better pay and
whatever they learned at this job they can use for bettering their careers
and life
-
When a
bad thing happens, pessimists think it as a fluke
-
Most of
the time, they find themselves asking How!. They ask how can I get this? How
can I achieve that? How Can I be this? They say, Life is not fair, but I’m
glad that am on the winning side.
Optimists tend to have better self-esteem and are more resilient to negative
events, they use “positivity” as a self-defence and self-motivation mechanism:
They tend to raise their expectation to get the most out their experiences, they
view
disappointments as lessons. They may or may not realize that this
thinking pattern, in time and with practice, influences other areas of their life,
which leads to the following important consequences
-
Because
they see life as an adventure, and they tend to seek new experiences, they
are willing to try new things and meet new people. This opens a wide range
of social, work and fun opportunities for them.
-
Positive
expectations of others leads them to behave peacefully, openly, and actively
which promote goodwill and similar reactions from others, thus falling into
the positive self-fulfilling prophecy cycle
-
Optimists
live through bad events but hardly with them. They use them as lessons and
move on immediately, their memory filters out bad experiences and
sensations, they become subjected long term of happiness and tend to develop
mental and psychical easiness. They are less likely to suffer from
depression and when they do, it hardly last long, they lead healthy
lifestyle and have more fun.
-
Best of
all, their expectations of most things and events in life becomes high, that
their life, for the most part, is filled with excitement and joy happiness.
In short, this thinking pattern doesn't merely enhance good times; it causes them
less stress, enrich their personal and work
relationships. In other words: It brings happiness into their life and the life
of the people you love.
No wonder optimists tend to do better in most avenues of life.
Rightly or wrongly, these people tend to justify their attitude with good
fortune and luck, but what they may or may not realize that their fortune or
life events whether good to bad is far less important than they think and that
their happiness is a result of their own mindset and lifestyle choices.!
Note: I’m not talking here about irrational or blind optimism that lead to high
risk behaviour and falling into the predatory traps such as scams, drugs, crime
or addictions. Like irrational cases of pessimism, unrealistic optimism
leads to personally and socially dysfunction.
The most important question is in this article: Which group did you identify yourself with the
most?
Most people are somewhere in the middle. At different times of their lives, they
move between the two ends of the scale from being mildly to intensely
pessimistic or mildly to intensely optimistic. What’s important is that with self-awareness and
continuous self-training they can improve the quality of their life immensely .
Important Message: This a mental alert for the pessimists who read the last
paragraph and their negative gear kicked in with a range of valid or
invalid excuses on why they cannot change for better. I tell you with all
sincerity, fortunately, a pessimist lifestyle doesn't have to be permanent. I
know it! I was a pessimist once! To be a pessimist is simply a bad life
strategy. Whether you think you life sucks or not, whether you are right or
wrong, it’s not worth it. The main person who is suffering is You and the main
one who is missing out is You. You think it’s easier said than done? No,
Mr./Miss pessimist! Its simple and easy, it only takes practice and
time. Although this article addresses pessimism and optimism as its main
subject, the message is not about positive thinking and affirmations. Positive
affirmations and thinking may lead to temporary improvement, but it can hardly
change your life. The solution, I found, is to design a sustainable personal
change system, to open your mind to new life outlook, plan and lead a new
lifestyle. You can change. I did.
Note: A royalty free license is granted to media for re-publishing this article, provided you
include a clear reference to
www.lifehappiness.org and the author.
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